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Hellbender

by Chris Shepard

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1.
The Crack Song 03:52
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Started out with cough syrup, then sniffing glue Then I saw my savior on the six o’clock News I remember seeing him when he played for the Mets He said these words I’ll never forget I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack I can’t stop smoking crack, no, no, no, no… I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack The shmack de shmack de shmack I lost my teeth, I pee myself I smack my ho right ‘cross da mout But all in all, I’m feeling fine They locked my ass away, they say so I won’t die Now, how the hell am I supposed to get high? I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack I can’t stop smoking crack, no, no, no, no… I even had to take my Christmas presents back So I could buy some crack Every time I run away from rehab They find me and make me go back… Let’s smoke some crack! I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack I can’t stop smoking crack, no, no, no, no… I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack I’m the Mack de shmack de shmack And that’s a fact, Jack I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack I’ve got a Big Mac Crack Attack That cracker’s whacked on shmack de shmack de shmack I even had to give my Daytime Emmy back Because they caught me smoking crack… Oh, I Love That Crack!
2.
Space Apocalypse 03:28
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The factions of the universe at war Long forgotten what they’re fighting for Found a way to make the stars explode And how to make infinity implode Pull all existence into a black hole With all the gravity to crush the soul No zodiac attack or time of day Not that it even matters anyway ‘Cause it’s a Space Apocalypse… A trillion suns in a giant flush Will give the warriors a mighty rush They’re out to bring the gods to their knees And punch a hole in all the galaxies How insignificant the wars of man When the mookie finally hits the fan They’d revel in their Pyrrhic victory If they could only be alive to see The Space Apocalypse… Mortis momentum est ultimum vitae momentum Space Apocalypse…
3.
Sellout 03:03
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All the people who said They’d say they knew me way back when Are getting impatient So it’s time I gave in, caved in Traveled down that well worn road Spiked my hair and made a fortune Hangin’ out in high school at my locker I’m a bubblegum punk rocker I’m gonna sell out I’m gonna sell out Sellout Sellout I’m gonna sell out Sellout By the time this song comes out It will sound passé In fact, to me it already sounds gay But I can wait for another trend To rear its stupid ugly bloated Pus-filled head again My old friends still make me skittish Don’t tell my fans that I’m not British I’m gonna sell out I’m gonna sell out Sellout Sellout I’m gonna sell out Sellout All the guys in my band Who I told we’d make it big some day Are getting impatient So I’ll shit-can my integrity And embrace my new conformity And when the money starts rolling in, you’ll know I’m a liar Sellout I’m gonna sell out Sellout Sellout I’m gonna sell out Sellout Sellout A fuckin' sellout Sellout Spike my hair and make me a fortune Get tattooed and make me a fortune Pierce my schlong and make me a fortune I’ll kick your ass if you call me a Sellout
4.
Oh Mrs. Harrington, Your Nephew Plays The Flute 02:53
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Daydreaming in the choir loft one Sunday afternoon When from the street came wafting up a quite familiar tune The congregation stopped their hymn and jumped up from their seats As the fairest of the Harringtons came fluting down the street. Mrs. Harrington, so prim and proper in her wide brimmed hat Wouldn't flaunt the family flautist, so in the pew she sat Father Flanagan approached her and said "Don't be so aloof" Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute! His shoes are always shiny and he wears a brand new suit Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute! Mrs. Harrington, she stood up not much taller than she sat She gathered her belongings and she straightened up her hat She walked out in the street to hear her darling nephew play And he warmed the cockles of her heart that cold St. Patrick's Day He's got a certain way about him; that I can't dispute Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute! The delicate young Harrington is now known far and wide For the lilting song you're sure to hear if you should go outside And if you've never heard his song, you're bound to hear it soon So raise your pint and drink a toast whene'er you hear the tune He certainly does have a knack that fact you can’t refute Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute He could have been a pharmacist but now that point is moot Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute He's very schooled and somewhat known for being quite astute Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute!
5.
Happy 03:45
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I want to lay down on the river Float coast or roll, I want to ride I want to ride out to the ocean And hitch a ride home with the tide I'm Happy... What's wrong with that? You satisfy my need for hunger You satisfy me in my mind You satisfy me from a distance Just looking at you makes me high I'm Happy... What's wrong with that? Wide open eyes at the ocean Wide open eyes...relax Wide open eyes at your beauty Wide open mind... I'm Happy... What's wrong with that?
6.
Mary Go 'Round 02:30
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I like a ‘mato I like a ‘tato I eat a ‘nana I read a Plato You wanna orda I can no forda Well is u hungry? Yeah, sorta I hear the swordfish is good Mary go round me Got a week to go before I weaken…x 2 You gotta hunger more better Chip in a meal and we’ll talk I like a pony I like a donkey I like a monkey No like a swan You gotta pet one If you get one And the swan do no play Mary go round me Got a week to go before I weaken…x2 You gotta love on more better You better horseshoe your back I’ve got a manacle in my hand I’m getting by on what I can stand To pull my dinner off my own land But a bird presses flowers like no tin can Mary go round me Got a week to go before I weaken…x2 Mary go round me Goin' around the world before I meet you…x2 Mary go round me Got a week to go before I weaken…x2 And when I weaken, no batter And when I weaken, no swing.
7.
Everybody Wants To Be A Dog 05:17
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Man was made to suffer and toil While I try to find a place for my coil Whether you're from the stars or from the soil Everybody wants to be a dog... Man kill for de Almighty Dolla My sole possession isa my colla No ambitions. Happy just to folla Everybody wants to be a dog... Man gotta hustle, bustle and run While I lay and warm my bones in the sun I wag my tail when I'm having fun Everybody wants to be a dog Man's life full of trouble and sin And I got into the garbage again Fill my bowl and I'm your best friend Everybody wants to be a dog...
8.
Die With My Boots On 03:56
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I’ve broken lots and lots of strings Ingested some illegal things And maybe set some shit on fire But I was born to rock & roll You don’t believe me, baby doll Well, I may be a drunk and a cheater and a junkie and funk and a pony and a jerk but I ain’t no liar And I’m gonna die with my boots still on (x2) The odds against me overwhelm But with my ego at the helm We’ll keep this rockin’ dream afloat I’m nothing now, I must admit But having started, I can’t quit And even Jesus was a zygote And I’m gonna die with my boots still on (x2) I’m chasing stars But stars tend to run and hide I’ve got no car Brother, can you spare a ride? I’ve broken many, many hearts In pursuit of higher art Thank God I’m not allergic to penicillin One day I’m gonna write a hit As opposed to all my other shit And then I’ll make a killin’ And I’m gonna die with my boots still on (x4)
9.
Bubba McBubba 01:27
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Bubba McBubba Queen of the open range She’s riding her pony Exploring all terrains If you see my Bubba Tell her I said “Hi” She’s Bubba McBubba Queen of the open sky Bubba McBubba Rides in her canoe Slurpin’ on peaches Her pony’s in there too If you see my Bubba Give directions to the zoo She’s Bubba McBubba Who the Hell are you? Puppies smell like baloney Ladybugs eat candy Every day at 2:30 Bubba drinks her milk and take a nap How do ya like me now! Bubba McBubba Queen of the open range She’s riding her pony Exploring all terrains If you see my Bubba Tell her I said “Hi” She’s Bubba McBubba Queen of the open sky
10.
The Obliteration of Floyd Avenue 03:29
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11.
Manic Depression 02:38
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credits

released December 12, 2010

Chris Shepard - vocals, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, classical guitar, bodhran, rhythm board, stumpf fiddle

Brian Holt - bass guitar (except 11), solo guitars on 7

Mike Nelson - drums (except 11), extra vocals on 9

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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Chris Shepard Roanoke, Virginia

"Chris Shepard ... an uncompromising original artist with a unique, darkly comic vision. He is also able to write affecting lyrics and memorable melodies in conventional song format. As a performer, he has a powerful and rhythmic guitar technique, and sings with exceptional strength and range. He deserves widespread recognition."

Randy Walker, Roanoke Times ... more

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