Crosseyed Loaded

by Chris Shepard (Sierra Dog Romeo)

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about

Music/Lyrics by Chris Shepard

Sierra Dog Romeo — Crosseyed Loaded (2003)

credits

released January 1, 2004

Chris Shepard - vocals, guitars, rhythm board, percussion, toys
Brian Holt - bass
Ted Grigorieff - drums
Jean Shepard - upright bass on "Bubba McBubba"

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all rights reserved

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about

Chris Shepard Roanoke, Virginia

"Chris Shepard ... an uncompromising original artist with a unique, darkly comic vision. He is also able to write affecting lyrics and memorable melodies in conventional song format. As a performer, he has a powerful and rhythmic guitar technique, and sings with exceptional strength and range. He deserves widespread recognition."

Randy Walker, Roanoke Times
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Track Name: Sally Skinned Her Dog
Sally knows what she wants, but people want what they know
They're afraid what it means if they like what she shows
Sally loved her best friend until the day it died
Sally keeps her best friend close to her side

There it was hanging on the wall
I looked in horror...Shocked, appalled
There it was hanging on the wall
Oh my God! Sally skinned her dog

The people stand there amazed and don't say a word
They want to run their hands through her soft fur
A collection of bones covered with skin
Sally wants us to know we're not what we're in

There it was hanging on the wall
I looked in horror...Shocked, appalled
There it was hanging on the wall
Oh my God! Sally skinned her dog

Why did you skin it?
Do you dress in it and dance around the room?
And when you call her does she still come to you?

There it was hanging on the wall
I looked in horror...Shocked, appalled
There it was hanging on the wall
Oh my God! Sally skinned her dog

There's more than one way
There's more than one way
There's more than one way
Sally skinned her dog

There's more than one way
There's more than one way
There's more than one way
To skin a dog
Track Name: Hell Is Boring
I was a bad bad bad man
I died and went straight to Hell
I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs
The Devil said "Hey man..."
"Could you keep it down?"

Hell is boring...

Two million years and nothing but daytime TV
I asked the Devil for something to read
He gave me a Good Housekeeping
And asked if I would like some tea

Hell is boring...
Paint only comes in shades of gray
65 and overcast every day
Hell is boring...

I said "Hey Lucifer, put on some tunes"
So he broke out his 8-track collection
He had Air Supply, Steely Dan, Bruce Springsteen and The Band
Jimmy Buffett, James Taylor, Bob Dylan and Phil Collins' Greatest Hits

Hell is boring...
Nothing to do and nothing to say
Hanging out with senators all damn day
Hell is boring...

I thought that 9 to 5 was hell...
Where it's 9 to 5, 24/7, 365 infinity

Hell is boring...
Nobody drinks and nobody fights
Solo acoustic every Thursday night
Hell is boring...

I thought that 9 to 5 was hell
I was close
Track Name: I Just Flat Out Can't Stop Smoking Crack
Started out with cough syrup, then sniffing glue
Then I saw my savior on the six o’clock News
I remember seeing him when he played for the Mets
He said these words I’ll never forget

I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
I can’t stop smoking crack, no, no, no, no…
I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
The shmack de shmack de shmack

I lost my teeth, I pee myself
I smack my ho right ‘cross da mout
But all in all, I’m feeling fine
They locked my ass away, they say so I won’t die
Now, how the hell am I supposed to get high?

I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
I can’t stop smoking crack, no, no, no, no…
I even had to take my Christmas presents back
So I could buy some crack

Every time I run away from rehab
They find me and make me go back…
Let’s smoke some crack!

I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
I can’t stop smoking crack, no, no, no, no…
I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
I’m the Mack de shmack de shmack
And that’s a fact, Jack

I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
I’ve got a Big Mac Crack Attack
That cracker’s whacked on shmack de shmack de shmack
I even had to give my Daytime Emmy back
Because they caught me smoking crack…

Oh, I Love That Crack!
Track Name: Coyote Song
Coyote come a’howlin’ at my door
Coyote, he can’t take the heat no more
Coyote howlin’, beggin’ me for shade
Come on, coyote ‘fore you fade away

Come on coyote, come on to my door
Come on coyote, you won’t burn no more
Coyote, I will open up my door
Coyote he don’t come around no more

Coyote come a’howlin’ at my door
Coyote, he can’t take the heat no more
Coyote howlin’, beggin’ me for shade
Come on, coyote ‘fore you fade away

Come on coyote, come on to my door
Prickly pear won’t bother you no more
Coyote, I will open up my door
But coyote he don’t come around no more
Track Name: Chlorine
Why am I breathing in chlorine?
Have a good trip down the stairs
Chloroform nightmares, peppermint saviours
Flattened-out squirrels have no cares

Why are you breathing now, Chlorine?
Santos the creep passes by
Half-assed decisions, geeked-out revisions
Why are you breathing now, Chlorine?

the pain!

Why are you breathing in chlorine?
Fill up your glass with propane
Another expulsion, relaxed to convulsions
Why are you beating me, Chlorine?

The pain!

The yellow-green Sun Queen
She looks so inviting, so white and so pure
You’d never think she’d hurt you
Probing but feebly the cushioned state of clarity
Conjuring up a new way to invite you
An otherworldly cry for help
Announcements that just line the shelves
Oh, untimely death
The water won’t be safe today
She creeps up and satisfies
Obliterates and purifies
She’s caustic, indiscriminate, and you’ll never be saved…

A tease, she comes and goes
She hides her words behind her clothes
She engineers light and controls the tidal wave
No pigment withstanding, she cleans, ever expanding
My eyes bloody red
Punch the gas all the way

The pain!

What are you writing on, Chlorine?
Huge blocks of ice carved with air
I say I don’t know what the hell’s going on
I weave down the mountain
And wheeze with despair

The pain!
Track Name: Canoe
Beautiful day
The river’s like glass
The smell of the river shore
Nothing will ever touch us anymore

We shove off slow
And climb aboard
Our smiles break to a laugh
We leave with nothing, rejoice in what we have

And we row
Down the river
Where we go
Just doesn’t matter
We just row
And we row our canoe

The trees bow down to great us
As we enjoy our ride
We hear the lapping water at our side

We slowly cut the virgin water
We pass and leave no trace
You seem so pleased
We’ll never leave this place

And we row
Down the river
Where we go
Just doesn’t matter
We just row
And we row our canoe

I love simplicity
And I love you
Track Name: Bubba McBubba
Bubba McBubba
Queen of the open range
She’s riding her pony
Exploring all terrains

If you see my Bubba
Tell her I said “Hi”
She’s Bubba McBubba
Queen of the open sky

Bubba McBubba
Rides in her canoe
Slurpin’ on peaches
Her pony’s in there too

If you see my Bubba
Give directions to the zoo
She’s Bubba McBubba
Who the Hell are you?

Puppies smell like baloney
Ladybugs eat candy
Every day at 2:30
Bubba drinks her milk and take a nap
How do ya like me now!

Bubba McBubba
Queen of the open range
She’s riding her pony
Exploring all terrains

If you see my Bubba
Tell her I said “Hi”
She’s Bubba McBubba
Queen of the open sky
Track Name: Sick In The Bed
Sick in the bed, where’s my baby?
Sick in the bed, I need my lady
Sick in the bed, she been working all day

Sick in the bed, I ain’t lying
Sick in the bed, feel like I’m dying
Sick in the bed, come on, baby stay
With me

Sick in the bed, where’s my baby?
Sick in the bed, I need my lady
Sick in the bed, she been working all day

Sick in the bed, need reassurance
Sick in the bed with no insurance
Sick in the bed, come on, baby stay
With me

Expansive sky where I stayed high
Saw ultraviolet rays
And I pulled tinsel from the ceiling
And stayed awake for days
Sharing clouds, kissing with purpose
Watching the rain, watching the circus
Seeing the face of the Devil on the wall

Sick in the bed, where’s my baby?
Sick in the bed, I need my lady
Sick in the bed, she been working all day

Sick in the bed, I ain’t lying
Sick in the bed, feel like I’m dying
Sick in the bed, come on, baby stay
With me

I need pills and I need potions
Humidifiers, salves and lotions
Just need something to take away this pain
I got a fever, I need a shot
My feet are cold and my head is hot
I need you at my every beck and call…
Track Name: Down From The Sky
I’ve got a picture
I’ve got a sign
I’ll go the distance
I’ve got the time

Come down from Heaven
Into your room
Lovin’ the mistress
Bleeding the groom

I want it
I need it
I want you

I’ve got to
I’m gonna
Come down from the sky

Sift through the ashes
Find light and stone
Wait here for hours
Never go home

Buy me some buying
Sell me a soul
I’ll be there in seconds
Love on a roll

Fine tune my offer
Take where it stings
Backwards or forward
My favorite things

End every day
FaithHopeLove and Time
Bite off the darkness
I’ve seen the sign
Track Name: Ode To Pat & Jerry
God is great, God is good
Let us thank Him for these fools
I think I'm getting stoned
Let me take another hit
Call all other religions shit
I know I'm not alone

Hypnotize the masses with my TV station
Trying to conceal my ceaseless masturbation

I'm high
I'm high

God, don't watch me while I toke
I see Your Son's face in the smoke
I think I'm getting stoned
Single mothers, Jews and fags
Lord, they make me wanna gag
I know I'm not alone

Preaching to the world with my TV station
Still trying to hide my constant fornication

I'm high
I'm high

E-mailing my born-agains
And surfing for gay porn again
And slowly getting stoned
I'll hear Satan's dinner bell
As I slide my fat ass down to Hell
But I'll know I'm not alone

I'm on the air and door-to-door
And passed out with two naked whores
I'm coming down and low on cash
So donate now before I crash

I'm high…
Track Name: My Love
I’ve walked a long and bloody road to get to you
Of anyone, you should know I’ve paid my dues

But now I stand before you and I look into your eyes
I bask in all your glory and it comes as some surprise
I’m learning rather rapidly that something just ain’t right
I won’t remember anything as I go into the light


I want my love on the ground
I want my love on the ground

I’ve cried and tried for many years and you know how
But I’d go back forever if you’d allow

We all become part of something larger out in space
But I’d be much obliged if you would just rent out our place
I want to spend forever holding my celestial bride
Heaven isn’t heaven if she’s not here at my side

I want my love on the ground
I want my love on the ground
My beautiful love on the ground
All of my love is on the ground

Turn me around…
Track Name: Bubba's Home
Bubba's Home