Hellbender

by Chris Shepard

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credits

released December 12, 2010

Chris Shepard - vocals, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, classical guitar, bodhran, rhythm board, stumpf fiddle

Brian Holt - bass guitar (except 11), solo guitars on 7

Mike Nelson - drums (except 11), extra vocals on 9

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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about

Chris Shepard Roanoke, Virginia

"Chris Shepard ... an uncompromising original artist with a unique, darkly comic vision. He is also able to write affecting lyrics and memorable melodies in conventional song format. As a performer, he has a powerful and rhythmic guitar technique, and sings with exceptional strength and range. He deserves widespread recognition."

Randy Walker, Roanoke Times
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Track Name: The Crack Song
Started out with cough syrup, then sniffing glue
Then I saw my savior on the six o’clock News
I remember seeing him when he played for the Mets
He said these words I’ll never forget

I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
I can’t stop smoking crack, no, no, no, no…
I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
The shmack de shmack de shmack

I lost my teeth, I pee myself
I smack my ho right ‘cross da mout
But all in all, I’m feeling fine
They locked my ass away, they say so I won’t die
Now, how the hell am I supposed to get high?

I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
I can’t stop smoking crack, no, no, no, no…
I even had to take my Christmas presents back
So I could buy some crack

Every time I run away from rehab
They find me and make me go back…
Let’s smoke some crack!

I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
I can’t stop smoking crack, no, no, no, no…
I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
I’m the Mack de shmack de shmack
And that’s a fact, Jack

I just flat out can’t stop smoking crack
I’ve got a Big Mac Crack Attack
That cracker’s whacked on shmack de shmack de shmack
I even had to give my Daytime Emmy back
Because they caught me smoking crack…

Oh, I Love That Crack!
Track Name: Space Apocalypse
The factions of the universe at war
Long forgotten what they’re fighting for
Found a way to make the stars explode
And how to make infinity implode

Pull all existence into a black hole
With all the gravity to crush the soul
No zodiac attack or time of day
Not that it even matters anyway

‘Cause it’s a Space Apocalypse…

A trillion suns in a giant flush
Will give the warriors a mighty rush
They’re out to bring the gods to their knees
And punch a hole in all the galaxies

How insignificant the wars of man
When the mookie finally hits the fan
They’d revel in their Pyrrhic victory
If they could only be alive to see

The Space Apocalypse…

Mortis momentum est ultimum vitae momentum

Space Apocalypse…
Track Name: Sellout
All the people who said
They’d say they knew me way back then
Are getting impatient
So it’s time I gave in, caved in
Traveled down that well worn road
Spiked my hair and made a fortune

Hangin’ out in high school at my locker
I’m a bubblegum punk rocker

I’m gonna sell out
I’m gonna sell out
Sellout
Sellout
I’m gonna sell out
Sellout

By the time this song comes out
It will sound passé
In fact, to me it already sounds gay
But I can wait for another trend
To rear its stupid, bloated, ugly
Pus-filled head again

My old friends still make me skittish
Don’t tell my fans that I’m not British

<c>

All the guys in my band
Who I told we’d make it big some day
Are getting impatient


So I’ll shit-can my integrity
And embrace my new conformity
And when the money starts rolling in, you’ll know
I’m a liar

<c>

Spike my hair and make me a fortune
Get tattooed and make me a fortune
Pierce my shlong and make me a fortune
I’ll kick your ass if you call me a Sellout
Track Name: Oh Mrs. Harrington, Your Nephew Plays The Flute
Daydreaming in the choir loft one Sunday afternoon
When from the street came wafting up a quite familiar tune
The congregation stopped their hymn and jumped up from their seats
As the fairest of the Harringtons came fluting down the street.

Mrs. Harrington, so prim and proper in her wide brimmed hat
Wouldn't flaunt the family flautist, so in the pew she sat
Father Flanagan approached her and said "Don't be so aloof"
Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute!

His shoes are always shiny and he wears a brand new suit
Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute!

Mrs. Harrington, she stood up not much taller than she sat
She gathered her belongings and she straightened up her hat
She walked out in the street to hear her darling nephew play
And he warmed the cockles of her heart that cold St. Patrick's Day

He's got a certain way about him; that I can't dispute
Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute!

<bouncy part>

The delicate young Harrington is now known far and wide
For the lilting song you're sure to hear if you should go outside
And if you've never heard his song, you're bound to hear it soon
So raise your pint and drink a toast whene'er you hear the tune

<La-da-da-da>

He certainly does have a knack that fact you can’t refute
Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute

He could have been a pharmacist but now that point is moot
Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute

He's very schooled and somewhat known for being quite astute
Oh Mrs. Harrington, your nephew plays the flute!
Track Name: Happy
I wanna lay down on the river
Float coast or roll, I wanna ride
I wanna ride out to the ocean
And hitch a ride home with the tide

I'm Happy...
What's wrong with that?

You satisfy my need for hunger
You satisfy me in my mind
You satisfy me from a distance
Just looking at you makes me high

I'm Happy... What's wrong with that?

Wide open eyes at the ocean
Wide open eyes...relax
Wide open eyes at your beauty
Wide open mind...

I'm Happy... What's wrong with that?
Track Name: Mary Go 'Round
I like a ‘mato
I like a ‘tato
I eat a ‘nana
I read a Plato

You wanna orda
I can no forda
Well is u hungry?
Yeah, sorta
I hear the swordfish is good

Mary go round me
Got a week to go before I weaken…x 2
You gotta hunger more better
Chip in a meal and we’ll talk

I like a pony
I like a donkey
I like a monkey
No like a swan

You gotta pet one
If you get one
And the swan do no play

Mary go round me
Got a week to go before I weaken…x2
You gotta love on more better
You better horseshoe your back

I’ve got a manacle in my hand
I’m getting by on what I can stand
To pull my dinner off my own land
But a bird presses flowers like no tin can

Mary go round me
Got a week to go before I weaken…x2
Mary go round me
Goin' around the world before I meet you…x2
Mary go round me
Got a week to go before I weaken…x2

And when I weaken, no batter
And when I weaken, no swing.
Track Name: Everybody Wants To Be A Dog
Man was made to suffer and toil
While I try to find a place for my coil
Whether you're from the stars or from the soil

Everybody wants to be a dog...

Man kill for de Almighty Dolla
My sole possession isa my colla
No ambitions. Happy just to folla

Everybody wants to be a dog...

Man gotta hustle, bustle and run
While I lay and warm my bones in the sun
I wag my tail when I'm having fun

Everybody wants to be a dog

Man's life full of trouble and sin
And I got into the garbage again
Fill my bowl and I'm your best friend

Everybody wants to be a dog...
Track Name: Die With My Boots On
I’ve broken lots and lots of strings
Ingested some illegal things
And maybe set some shit on fire

But I was born to rock & roll
You don’t believe me, baby doll
Well, I may be a drunk and cheater and a junkie and funk and a pony and a jerk but I ain’t no liar

And I’m gonna die with my boots still on (x2)

The odds against me overwhelm
But with my ego at the helm’
We’ll keep this rockin’ dream afloat

I’m nothing now, I must admit
But having started, I can’t quit
And even Jesus was a zygote

And I’m gonna die with my boots still on (x2)

I’m chasing stars
But stars tend to run and hide
I’ve got no car
Brother, can you spare a ride?

I’ve broken many, many hearts
In pursuit of higher art
Thank God I’m not allergic to penicillin

One day I’m gonna write a hit
As opposed to all my other shit
And then I’ll make a killin’

And I’m gonna die with my boots still on (x4)
Track Name: Bubba McBubba
Bubba McBubba
Queen of the open range
She’s riding her pony
Exploring all terrains

If you see my Bubba
Tell her I said “Hi”
She’s Bubba McBubba
Queen of the open sky

Bubba McBubba
Rides in her canoe
Slurpin’ on peaches
Her pony’s in there too

If you see my Bubba
Give directions to the zoo
She’s Bubba McBubba
Who the Hell are you?

Puppies smell like baloney
Ladybugs eat candy
Every day at 2:30
Bubba drinks her milk and take a nap
How do ya like me now!

Bubba McBubba
Queen of the open range
She’s riding her pony
Exploring all terrains

If you see my Bubba
Tell her I said “Hi”
She’s Bubba McBubba
Queen of the open sky